Saturday, October 14, 2006

Dave Blaney Wins!!!!! Busch Dollar General 300 - Lowe's Motor Speedway


Our man, Dave. Hopefully I can find a photo of him in his Haas Avocado suit to put up.
I love me an avocado.


ZOW-EEEE! What a kooky race. What a kooky finish. Gotta give a big shout out to one of our favorite underdog drivers, Dave Blaney, for winning fair and square. Poor Dave. His first NASCAR win was mightily overshadowed because goddam Happy Harvick also clinched the Busch Championship with this race - so the cameras and crews went straight for Harvick. Reminded me of how Blaney & Schrader's 4th and 7th finishes were overshadowed by where the Chasers finished here in Richmond last September after the Chevy Rock and Roll 400. Since that was the race which determined who did or did not get into The Race For the Chase, nobody paid any mind to the Two Old Farts Who Done Good that evening.

That's okay, though. It took Blaney awhile to find Victory Lane anyway. And bless his heart, once he got there, he still didn't know how to act. Just stood around grinning as he was being interviewed. Totally forgot to mention any sponsors at all, he just said he was sorry his wife and kids weren't there, and then he wandered off. The camera and reporter were still standing there waiting for more words from Blaney, but he just wandered away, all by himself, looking a bit dazed. It was adorable.

Onto the pre-race shenanigans at The House That Humpy Built.

Wail. There's a reason why people call Lowe's Motor Speedway owner Humpy Wheeler the P.T. Barnum of NASCAR. Everything's always gotta be bigger than life at his races (remember the "car eating" Robo-saurus?), and apparently he's now bucking to be canonized. I like the sound of "St. Humpy", but not the idea of it. For this race he employed a Priest from Wisconsin to give

THE INVOCATION: Father Dale Grubba (no! Not dang ol', dang ol' Dale Gribble- oh wait, that's Boomhower. Nevermind.) from St. John's Parish in Princeton, Wisconsin did the pre-race mass this evening. It was obvious by the way he rolled his eyes in a "Lord, forgive me for what I'm about to do" way that Humpy had written the speech for him. Here it is, in it's entirety:

"Let us pray. Promoter Humpy Wheeler claims his job is not to cure cancer, but to put Technicolor in lives lived in a black and white world. To lift people from the drudgery of everyday life. Oh Lord, we ask you to be with us tonight as the Technicolor of Life unfolds before our eyes. Amen."

What the hell?

Humpy don't think much of his-self, does he?

OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM: performed by Nashville Recording Artist, Daryle Singletary. Who was chewing gum. Didn't seem to affect his singing though, he did a good job. He's got one of them real twangy voices, and it seemed like he'd have a limited range, but he hit all the notes effortlessly. They sounded way cuuuuuuuuuntry, though. It was nice, and he didn't get too notey. He did do that "country guy singer" thing though, were often on the last note of the last word of a phrase, they add one quick note that's just a hair flat. That doesn't bug me too much, but it wasn't necessary, so I'll give him

THREE STARS from Dixie.
THREE AND HALF STARS from Cecil, "cuzza that notey thing at the end."

No FLYOVER, I guess because it was too dark out.

THE COMMAND: Henry Forrester, Dollar General District Manager from Try-on, Georgia.
This guy was cool. He looked pretty rednecky, but like, real laid-back. His eyes were kinda droopy, and his mouth & jaw was kinda set in a way like he mighta been appreciating the latest Playboy centerfold or a cherry '67 Camaro. He belted out "Gentlemen! Start! Your! Engines!" in a nearly WWF fashion, but not too over the top, and as Cecil said, "that was cool because he wouldn't have been true to himself" if he'd gone all Adam Sandler on us. Oh yeah, he also gave a very nice wave to the crowd before he gave the command. I hate to keep saying "cool", but that's the only word that fits. He was just cool, is all.

So GOOD JOB, Henry.
THREE STARS from Dixie
THREE AND A HALF from Cecil.

2 Comments:

Anonymous rankin' rob said...

Blaney-mania! Shite, Cecil got on his car a year too soon. That's too cool. I bet he breaks through next year in the 'Cup series if Toyota is competitive out of the box.

The Chatooga Creek runs through Trion Georgia, not to be confused with the Chatooga River on the other end of North Georgia, which is where Ned Beatty got raped alongsides in Deliverance. Anyhoo, there is (or used to be) a blue jean mill in Trion, and the outflow for the mill was right at the bridge over the Chatooga Creek just outside of town. So you could look at the creek on one side of the bridge and it was just another greenish North Georgia mountain creek. But on the other side of the creek it was indigo blue from the blue jeans effluent. Doctor Flowers showed me that once on a side trip from Howard Finster's Paradise Garden, which is nearby. I bet the Dollar General Store guy could show you that, too. Just thought you would like to know. Regards to Nails and all the critters at the garage...

11:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The denim mill is still in Trion, but the river is no longer polluted by dyes! The guys at the wastewater treatment plant make darn sure of that.

4:05 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home