Sunday, October 29, 2006

Nextel Cup Race - Atlanta Motor Speedway 10/29/06 - December Radio

Yay! Jimmie Johnson didn't win!

THE INVOCATION: Bill Brannon, Atlanta Motor Speedway Chaplain, who looked and sounded like a politician right down to mentioning the fine folks at Bass Pro Shops who help to pay his salary. That's NASCAR for ya. Even the preachers have sponsors they have to thank.

THE NATIONAL ANTHEM: December Radio, Slanted Records Recording Artists. Never hoid of 'em, but they did a pretty nice job. When we saw four scruffy guys in their late 20's(ish) approach the two microphones, we cringed as is the natural human response. Much to our surprise they had a lovely, subtle arrangement that they all followed for the most part, and although a couple of them got a little notey at times, they didn't hit any clinkers. So they had that goin' for them. (This is the part where you say: "Which is nice.") You could detect hints of Southern accents at times, but they weren't twangy at all. Their voices had just enough character to be a hair left of homogenous. One fella was kinda the designated lead singer, but most of the time it was a unified effort with one of the "back up tenors" trying to show off a bit too much with his jazzy meanderings, but they were quiet & infrequent. The lead singer took a few brief stabs at soulful mellisma, and those would have been forgivable had he not gone for the old "La-hand of the Freeeeeee-heeee-yay-ee-ya-ya-ya-yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! " chestnut at the end. Dang him anyway. We both would have given them a weak 4 stars if not for that, but as it stands:

THREE flickering STARS from Willard's Garage

THE FLYOVER: One magnificent B-52 StratoFortress out of Barksdale Air Force Base, Louisiana.
Most impressive. Even the name is totaly bad ass.

THE COMMAND: Until today, we had no idea that the most important words in motorsports were, "On behalf of ever buddy at Bass Pro Shops and Tracker Boats, we dedicate this race to the 60 million anglers across America and dedicate it to the over 30 million hunters- America's FIRST conservationists! The Conservation Heroes who've answered the call!", followed by a lengthy and over-enthusiastic duck call. Duck Call Dude actually had to have one of his Nimrod buddies take the call away from him so they could shout "Gentlemen, start your engines!" in unison.

Which they did, and they did it very well, but for Pete's Sake! Please. Please. Please. Johnny Morris, Bill Dance, Buddy Lovell and Rob Keck, we totally appreciate what you fellas are about, but you need to get a grip, ya knuckleheads!

ONE STAR from Willard's because they shouted very well and for being so goddam goofy. And mebbe an additional UNDER THE TABLE STAR for being Nimrods.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

So it's come to this. My entire NASCAR season is down to hoping that Jimmy Johnson and Matt Kenseth break down like a blown calvary horse. I'm afraid one or the other is inevitable. Given the tracks, it may come down to pit strategy and performance. The nod there goes to Kenseth. Yeesh. And what's with Jeff Gordon trying to get people to quit smoking? Fuckin' nannies everywhere.

9:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

err, cavalry horse.

9:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey--what about Texas?

10:23 AM  

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