Bank of America Wises Up

The famous "Truckasaurus", immortalized in The Simpsons season 2 episode, "Bart the Daredevil". Best. Episode. Ever.
Well, not really, but I love to say that. You may also know Truckie's work from appearances at Lowe's Motor Speedway & elsewhere, billed as "Robosaurus".
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Well good. Jayski reports that tomorrow The Bank of America, who will sponsor the B of A 500 at Lowe's Motor Speedway on October 14, is having a contest to pick a Grand Marshal for said race. As we all know, one of The Grand Poobah's duties is to give THE COMMAND for the drivers to start their engines. And guess what the contest entails, folks?

If you guessed who can eat the most fried bologna burgers, you're close.

But since it's Lowes and not South Boston Speedway, contestants will have to demonstrate their "Gentlemen, start your engines!" chops before a panel of "celebrity judges" (one being the P.T. Barnum of NASCAR, Humpy Wheeler), who will pick the winner based on style, technique and enthusiasm. They say it's their way of "giving back" to their loyal customers, but we all know that it's really because they know all their CEOs are wussies, and they don't want the folks here at Willard's callin' 'em out in front of God and everyone. Whatever it takes, I say. Whaddayawanna bet a chick wins?