The Kids of Crews & Drivers -BRISTOL - Sharpie 500

The Hilltop Hookers of Bristol:

The Philosophy of Cecil 101: "The American Flag should never be worn as a piece of apparel. Not even by kids singing The National Anthem."

THE INVOCATION: Dave Engbrecht. Didn't catch which church he was from, but he was definitely a bona fide preacher. My favorite part was, "...as we race The Race of Life, run powered by your Holy Spirit." tee hee. All kidding aside, it was very nice, it truly was.

THE FLYOVER: wtf? I heard it when the kids were singing. I saw them look up at it. Jesus. The United States Air Force really has better things to do than flyovers at races two or three times a week, thirty six weeks a year, NBC really ought to take the time to acknowledge their efforts, if only for a second. Buncha commies.

Dear NBC: YOU SUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


THE NATIONAL ANTHEM: Performed by the children of the drivers and their crews in conjunction with Motor Racing Outreach.

Now how in the hell can I say anything bad about a buncha cute kids singing "The Star Spangled Banner" ? It can't be done. Even though most of them didn't know what they were singing for or about, and had memorized the words phonetically, (think Ramona the Pest, and her 'dawnzer lee light' ), there is nothing more inspiring, or that fills a person with more Hope and tender Patriotism than 50 or so kids belting out The National Anthem. Of course, I could say the same about "The Theme to Billy Jack". (You laugh, but I've seen it done, and it brought tears to my eyes...)

As always, the kids did a beautiful job. I look forward to their yearly performance at Bristol, which has been a tradition for a number of years. I doubt they've done it for more than 25 years, but I'd love to see a clip with Dale Jr. in there singing along. The boys and girls all had their faces painted, and one little girl had what looked like a giant starfish stuck to her cheek. I wondered if it was an homage (or perhaps a fashion suggestion) to our beloved Janet Jackson, who made a few waves with a similar starfish gee gaw at The Super Bowl a few years back. My only complaint is that none of the kids were "yelly". (That's a musical term coined by famous bluegrass/jazz guitarist Kelly Kessler - buy her records, they're good!)

Normally there's at least one child in the pack that is either trying to upstage the rest, or just doesn't understand the concept of "notes" yet, so he or she shouts all the words. I LOVE IT when that happens. Nonetheless:

FIFTY STARS (just don't wear them, please) from Aint Dixie.

Uncle Fecal (Cecil) sez:
These are children for Chrissakes! How can you judge children?! They're The Future. The Best and Brightest, Etc. !!!! I give 'em a TWO.FIVE (STARS) because they were flat. But for plumb cuteness, they get a 4 outta 4. They still get points taken off for that flag on the head. It's a flag, notta rag."

THE COMMAND: Lynn Engsen, Grand Marshall. Nobody mentioned who she was with. And who cares? This broad belted it out, her fist balled up in front of her, punching the air to punctuate each word as she shouted, "GENTLEMEN! START! YER! INJUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNS!!!!!!!!!" Nice job, Lynn!!!!! FOUR STARS from Willard's Garage.

I wonder how long we'll have to wait for another man to do it right? A couple of my recent past favs. are Adam Sandler and (that freak) Matthew McConaughy. And the Red Hot Chili Peppers somehow managed to endear themselves to even the old-school Crotcheties (D.W. and them) when they did a 3-Stooges like harmony on "Gentlemen", then simultaneously shouted "start your engines". It was cool, but I'll go to my grave wondering if it was or was not disrespectful.

Random thoughts & observations: Wally Dallenbach does this little piece called "Wally's World" each week, where he takes some celebrity for a wall-scraping lap around the track. This week it was a former Georgia Bulldog football player turned actor named Omari Hardwick, who has appeared in a buncha movies I ain't seen. The reason I bring him up is that I could swear it was the same big ol' black dude who videotaped our band The Shiners round about 2000. We had a few beers with him and his partner in crime, whose name I don't recall, but they were taping us for some t.v. show they were trying to get on the air or something weird like that. We had a few beers with him, and he mentioned he was more of a "sports guy", but he really dug us. ( We did notice the camera man spent a lot of time focused on a couple Confederate Flags on the stage...)

I hope it's the same guy. (How many black guys named Omari can there be, for Chrissakes? Wait! Don't answer that!) We had a lot of fun with the Omari we hung out with, and if he isn't Omari Hardwick, I hope he's enjoying the same amount of success that Hardwick is, because he was a super cool guy. Even if you're a bigass football player, it takes a lot of balls to be one of two black dudes to come into a bar jam-packed with drunk rednecks and Confederate Flags, not knowing a soul there. But, as humans are prone to do, we all found we had a lot in common, dispelled any preconceived notions anyone might have had about anything, and generally had a great time, although it was much too short. Omari & crew had to dash off for yet another shoot that night.

Musical suggestion: FOX, NBC & ABC need to have Van Halen's "Jamie's Cryin" at the ready for the driver of Jack Roush's #96 car driver Jamie McMurray. (The Metrosexual of NASCAR, and Tom Cruise look-a-like). Bless his heart, I love Jamie, he seems like a puddin', but he'll turn on the water works given the chance. He bawled when he didn't make The Chase in Richmond in 2004, he bawled when he won Rookie of the Year - (or was it the 11th Spot, Runner-Up Award?) - and then the next year he promised he wouldn't cry when he was onstage at the NASCAR Awards. (Very endearing.) But after any given race that didn't go well, he gets a little fliberty-giberty. God Love Him. Well, he ain't the only driver in touch with his feminine side, so he has that going for him. Which is nice.