Thursday, March 01, 2007

ESPN Needs to Stop Sucking - Soon!!!

Man, Cecil had me go in and watch ESPN2's "NASCAR Now" last night, and Pee-yew does it stink. He'd been complainin' about their coverage and common taters since Daytona, and I sure can't disagree with him, but Jeeze-O-Peeze I KNOW there are more knowledgable and engaging people out there who could fill the shoes of the guys they have on now. Wikipedia says the hosts are Rusty Wallace and Erik Kuselias (who, Wiki lists as a member of Mensa??? Ya gotta be kiddin' me!! ) , but the sidebar lists Brad Daugherty, Kuselias and Tim Brewer, which I guess are the dudes I saw last night. I do recall seeing Rusty sitting in there during the Daytona weeks, and it goes without saying that he knew what was going on.

Former UNC Tar Heel & Cleveland Cavalier, Brad Daugherty is cool as hell, but the other guys gotta go. Brad knows his shit, and also has a very pleasant accent. We'll ignore the fact that he looks like Barak Obama - that ain't his fault. And shoot, he is handsome - so he has that going for him. (Which is nice.) To add to Daugherty's Ultra-Coolness, when he played for the Cavaliers, he chose #43 for his team number in tribute of his all-time favorite sportsman, Richard Petty. He was also co-owner of a Craftsman Truck Team that Kevin Harvick drove for at one point. So, thank God for Brad Daugherty, is all.

I used to think FOX's resident dope, Chris Meyers, was like a Fred Willard character, but these two ESPN guys almost make Chris Meyers seem hip.

Almost. Given the fact that these two boobs are still trying to figure out how to pronounce the names of all the drivers, tracks, and various other words common to NASCAR, I seriously doubt they write their own questions and comments, which only slightly excuses them. I mean, if they were hired for their popularity as talking heads, I would at least expect them to be witty, sparkling personalities. But they're not. They're just idiots, and the questions they're fed are so aggravatingly simple and irrelevant that even a non-NASCAR fan would be bored with them. And that's the best case scenario. What's likely to happen is some non--NASCAR fan will tune in, hear the inane prattle from Frick and Frack, and say to themselves, "Well, I'd always suspected stock car racing was retarded, and now I know it is. Back to the stick and ball sports for this couch potato!"

The drivers and other NASCAR players forced to answer these guys constantly have their eyes rolling into the backs of their heads, and it seems like it's all Brad Daugherty can do to hide his contempt for these ninnies every time he needs to set them straight on something. Which is pretty much every time they open their mouths.

The broadcasts of the Busch races blow, too, sad to say. NBC was notorious for not showing flyovers, or not crediting the various Air Force bases who went waaaaay yonder out of their way to put on a 30 second show for attending fans and the national television viewing audience, but they didn't do it every time, and they'd often try to squeeze in a replay -sometimes with credits- at some point during the race. But these fucktards at ESPN just don't seem to get the importance of the flyover.

It's as if they view "dumbing down" as a fine art or something. And if that's the case, then I must say, they gotta buncha Rembrandts over there. Some of you know that I blog and comment on this radio show Coast to Coast AM , whose host and staff are just dumber than dogshit. Well, it looks like "NASCAR Now" has become the Coast to Coast AM of NASCAR programs. Right down to their obsession with the "doom and gloom" aspect of things. For the last two days, all they've wanted to talk about- with ANYONE - has been the hard hit David Reutimann took against the wall at Fontana. If they don't tighten up, they may find themselves with a Butcher Blog dedicated soley to them and their assininity.

Stupid dicks.

I'll give ESPN2 this much, their "Busch Drivers in Defensive Driving School" commercials for their Busch series coverage are hilarious. But then, we have whatever ad agency that did them to thank for that, not ESPN. We can at least give a nod to whoever it is at ESPN that decided they were good and funny. Our favorite so far is the one where Denny Hamlin makes the driving instructor puke. Kinda reminds me of how I feel when I watch "NASCAR Now". Bleh.


Anonymous rankin' rob said...

I get almost all of my NASCAR coverage outside of the race broadcasts via the internet. ESPN's internet coverage is excellent, anchored by Marty Smith. Yesterday they ran the english language broadcast on ESPN2, and the spanish language ESPN cast on ESPN. They went to commercials out of synch, so whenever the english language cast went to commercial you could watch the spanish broadcast and not miss a lap. That was cool.

Kuselias was ESPN radio's night-time host, ranting and raving about NBA and college football with a bunch of knuckle-dragging fantasy league masturbators. I was acually listening to his sign-off the night he left that show to cover NASCAR, driving along I-16 one night in desperate need of entertainment. It was obvious to me that he knew nothing about the sport. Why, ESPN, why?

Viva Montoya! He drives like Earnhardt when he's got a fast car, did you notice?

9:57 AM  

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